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Her brother, Edward "Ned" Pakenham, served under Wellesley throughout the Peninsular War and Wellesley's regard for him helped to smooth his relations with Kitty, until Ned Pakenham's death at the Battle of New Orleans in 1815.
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Wellesley confided to Harriet Arbuthnot that he had "repeatedly tried to live in a friendly manner with her...but it was impossible...& it drove him to seek that comfort & happiness abroad that was denied him at home";